Wednesday, 21 March 2018

Cherry Blossom



Get The Look:
Sweatshirt - Zara // Dress - Zara // Jacket - Bershka (similar) // Bag - Topshop // Jewellery - Forever21 (similar necklace , similar rings) // Shoes - Converse


The purpose of this blog was initially to create a record of looks. A virtual diary of outfits. It has since spiralled into a collection - not only of my style but of my thoughts, advice and random life ramblings. My stream of consciousness tends to get the better of me.  Not attempting to stray from this apparent pattern, I thought I would indulge you in a little story-time. Red, to me, stands out as a colour with strong references to love - immediately springing to mind roses, red cheeks and cupid's hearts. The story I'm about to tell involves a boy. However, far from the connotations of this outfit, the situation I found myself in turned out to be incredibly un-romantic. Depending on what you're into, this might leave you thinking I was dumb, the other individual was dumb or it may just leave you plain ass confused (like I was). 


As all great and tragic love stories start, this particular event happened one warm summer day. Post meeting and exchanging numbers two weeks earlier, we had been texting back and forth. It was unsurprising then, that the dude in question (we shall call him Confused - Con for short), asked to go for drinks at the end of the week. I was down with that and he chose the location for our meet-up. In my head if it was a date or just us hanging out, I was cool with that. He suggested we meet at a pub. A more upscale pub than what I expected, but a pub nonetheless. Till today, I cannot recall one good pub experience I've had so I wonder why I thought this would be the exception (LOL). Con seemed cool though. He seemed to harness the energy of a graduate buzzing off the freedom from educational constraints, although thinking back now, it might just have been the uncertainty of what to do with himself post diploma that surrounded him.


 In true Nigerian-timing, I was late (about 15 minutes), although I texted to let him know. The location was further than I had anticipated (thanks google maps) and by the time I got there, the heat from the warm day, combined with my speed-walking left me perspiring. I eventually got the the pub but I didn't see him inside. Confused, I described his appearance to one of the bartenders and asked where I may be able to find him. She pointed to a side door that led to a garden-like setting and asked me to try there. I went out and immediately spotted the back of his head. He was sat facing away from me at the table directly ahead but still, I looked around the terrace. I looked around because that couldn't possibly be him. It couldn't possibly be him because right next to him was another girl.


 I was at a loss for words. How did I not get the memo that this was not a one-on-one thing? I thought back to our messages and knew that he 100% had not mentioned  anything about anyone else joining us. In my head, playing it cool was the best option - after all, he never mentioned that it was a date. I played it cool as he proceeded to introduce me to his friend who he knew from uni and ordered me a drink. I played it cool when they indulged in inside jokes I could not get in on. I even played it cool when he said some of his other friends would be joining us as well and when yet another girl came to sit with us. I was thoroughly confused by the situation but I played it cool. It did not occur to me to lie that I had somewhere else to be and get up and leave so I frantically texted my friend the situation. She happened to live close by and if she was free, we could meet up so I would have a valid excuse to leave. However my friend would not be available until a couple of hours later. Hours I had to endure making small talk and watch Con start flirting with another "friend" using coy remarks and playing with her hair. By this time the group of friends had turned into a small gathering of four people and we had moved to yet another pub. The small group consisted of Con, one of his male friends, one of his female friends and yours truly. It had been about 3 hours and I was still playing it cool (what was wrong with me please)? As I managed to strike up some small talk with  his male friend, Con proceeded with a raised eyebrow and a suggestive smile, to insinuate that his friend and I were really "hitting it off". At this point I was utterly flabbergasted. Had I completely misread our whole texting situation? I knew he liked me enough to invite me out but not enough to meet with me one-on-one? And why was he blatantly flirting with someone else and making out as though I was into his friend?



The late afternoon dragged on and as I continuously but slyly checked my phone for a text from my friend, we talked amongst ourselves. A topic that came up was "when do you know if a girl has put you in the friend zone?" Con mentioned that if a girl called you certain things like "dude" then she sees you more as a friend. He then commented, pointedly, that I had said this in a text to him earlier. In my head I thought "you thought you were in the friend zone before? Boyyyyyyyyy".  But at that point things started to click. He was probably hurt that I had apparently put him in the "friend zone" and this whole non-date/ spontaneous group hang, was his reaction to it. Although I'm not sure what he thought the outcome would be.  To me, dude is a word that rolls off my tongue often (the residual effects of watching Rocket Power as a kid) regardless of who I address and I didn't realise a simple non-meaning word could cause me to have such a tumultuous day. Eventually my friend was able to save me as she came to meet me so we could go for dinner but I was left wondering:

1. Why are guys like this???

2. Why in the hell was I playing "the cool girl"?!



 There is a quote from Gillian Flynn's Gone Girl that  describes "the cool girl" pretty well. It goes:
"Men always say that as the defining compliment, don't they? She's a cool girl. Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer... jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girl's are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chargrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don't mind, I'm the Cool Girl.

Men actually think this girl exists. Maybe they're fooled because so many women are willing to be this girl". The whole monologue and book is pretty good (I recommend!)

I think in some sense, this was a girl I was trying to be. It wasn't the first or last time either but it was a ridiculous instance that stood out to me. I've learnt though - which is a part of growing and blossoming. This is just a reminder to not aspire to be the "Cool Girl" because she doesn't exist.

Post Title Song : Cherry Blossom - Jon Vinyl

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